Another new start.

Tired…was woken by Missy at 02.00 cos she was nauseous and she hates being sick..it frightens her.  She wasn’t – but we still ended up being awake for nearly an hour in the middle of the night.  Not sure what that was about.  It’s tempting to put everything down to her head stuff – but I try really hard not to.  She had been out with friends in the afternoon, to Cambridge – shopping – doing girly things, and I thought she deserved to go spend some pennies….she had lunch out…and a clotted cream tea…we have already talked about cream tea’s here, and then rather than tell me that she had eaten that, having rung me during the afternoon to say ‘save me some dinner’ she came home and ate dinner on top…I suppose she could be forgiven for feeling a little sick.

I have to be really careful when I am tired…its a bit like being emotional…and I am that too…sigh, these are times when danger is afoot…and I have to be aware that I might do stoooopid things around food when tired and emotional.  I can’t do things by half of course – have to do two things at once – typical me!  I noticed a long while ago, that when I get tired food starts yelling at me, ‘eat me, eat me, you know you want to really!’ and then I get cranky because I can’t eat what I want and I am tired, and it becomes a vicious circle – tired – eat – cranky – eat – cranky – eat…you know how it is.  Of course it would be best not to get tired – but life happens…the trick I guess is to be aware of the tendency to stuff my face when I have not had enough z’s, and be kinder to self, and when the food starts calling – run the other way ……………..hiiiiiiiiiiiide!

That aside, I am coming down a little off the ceiling…takes me longer and longer each time, probably because I get more and more in a stew about things, you would think it would get easier – I gotta tell you that don’t happen – it is harder every time.  Something to do with the law of averages and how many times you risk something I suspect.

Its it mothering Sunday here…and I am being taken out for dinner.  I have planned my day to take full advantage of it…Celebrations happen, and I can either restrict myself and feel peeved…I can blow the whole thing and feel mighty p*ssed off with self, or I can use it as a learning experience…just how much can I enjoy myself without the need to stuff food into my mouth?.  I  have planned as much leeway as possible into my food plan today, freedom while staying within my calorie allowances.Although I have a whopping 1700 calorie plan today – thats way over my normal 1500…but I can hack it once in a blue moon.

Lawyers are fond of the term ‘reasonable’….everything has to be proven to be ‘reasonable’. I think the word ‘reasonable’ is a bit like the word ‘normal’…and can be used as benchmarks for days like today.  If I ask myself ‘is what I am about to do reasonable?’ and I can answer honestly ‘Yep its reasonable’ then I think its ok.  No idea where we are going – so can’t do anything about planning aforethought and all – so will just use my best judgement, be reasonable, and enjoy myself.  I am not into taking my mini scales (don’t own any anyway) , making a martyr of myself, or eating lettuce leaves with carrots on the side…but I am going to make a concerted effort to ask myself ‘is it reasonable’….if it is, it’s going down the hatch and I will savour every moment of it.

My knee is being reaaaaaaaally norty!!  I am pretty sure its a traumatic thing as opposed to ‘old ladies whose knees dont work’ type knee, but it’s giving me gip (pronounced jip here lol) and I am filling myself full of Ibuprofen in the hope that the anti-inflammatory thing will start un-inflamming whatever is flamed.  It’s ok as long as I take them – its pretty dire if I don’t…I see me hobbling to my good friend Alan for some hydrocortisone injections if it’s not a lot better sooner rather than later — waaaaaaaaaaaa they are going to stick me with needles!

Okay – time to get out into my Sunday — See you tomorrow bloggy!

Blue~

• Posted in: Weight loss journal